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  • Listening to: the wind (and Youtube playlists)
  • Reading: A book one of my co-workers left under the counter
  • Watching: Uhhh....stuuuuuuff?
  • Playing: Dark Cloud, Zelda: Twilight Princess
  • Eating: I got half a pack of Ramen and an apple down today
  • Drinking: Water, Coke
I'm so EXCITED! (I'm lying, I feel like CRAP today, but I'm faking it because I know I WILL be excited after I start feeling better!)

I'm in Oregon, and it's getting cold WAY earlier than I'm used to, but the leaves are going to start turning colors soon! :D
My job is going very well, I even spent some money on a few pieces of clothing that I've always wanted (a denim jacket and a couple of pairs of corduroy pants), but other than that, I've been stashing my checks in the bank!

I also have a birthday this month!

October is just chock-full of win, guys! Best month of the year: cooler weather, sweaters, scarves, (actually, just clothes layering in GENERAL, yes), pretty nature, my birthday, horror flicks, costumes, candy, CHANGE.

^ Dis :P
  • Listening to: "Only Love" Ben Howard (fan/pairing vid)
  • Reading: Uh....theories?
  • Watching: O_____O all my shows are hiatus. Gameshows.
  • Playing: Crosswords.(I consider it a board game.)
  • Eating: Salad, Fried Okra, Chicken Strips
  • Drinking: Coke, Vanilla Coke, Water, Coffee
So family and all, I babysit alot. Non-stopishly, it feels like, some days. But just when the hooligans are being hellions. Oh, and that's why I haven't posted the pics (that I've taken--that are ON MY COMPUTER RIGHT NOW--of my doodles. I frustrate myself, though, endlessly.) Nieces and Nephews.

So, I'm awake at five in the morning (before that actually, but it's a little after five a.m. when I'm posting this, my time) because caffeine and trying to sleep equals nightmares. Even after a lovely evening of rainstorms and sisterly bonding (game shows were watched and fingernails were painted), my brain conjures up my worst fears about my future. So I'm up and awake and not sleeping~

I'm posting this (almost titling it 'My Oldest Niece is the BEST') because I found a BOOK that my 6-year-old-niece MADE. "fun ativetes and creasons" (Fun Activities and Creations), which I am not going to share with you guys because it's that adorable and I just can't help myself.

Pg. 1: She drew a picture of a FLAMINGO (seriously her first choice of bird for the day)...out of circles. 11 circles and a three-feathered wing.

Pg. 2: "this is a circle radio." ...and she drew a radio wih circles. ...even inclued circle-music notes, the antannae, and the handle to carry the portable radio by. (I love this child!!)

Pg. 3: ((I'm going to take a moment that she's adopted this .... cardboard...thing... that came out of a board game me and my friends played the day before. That piece that people usually throw away because you've popped all the player disc/coins/markers out of it? Yeah, she's utilizing that thing on this page--the others are free-handed.))
She's drawn a 'bee hive' (half a page of stenciled cirlces all askew and out of line, on-purpos. And up at the top there's this TINY bee ((I'mma beee~)) drawn in free-hand-circles.
Caption: "Bees are very Dangerous! they can sting you and me." ((I'm keeping the spelling/punctuation exactly how she wrote it because it's CUTE, dammit!))

Pg. 4: *Detailed picture of a fish...tied to a rock, I think. A rock with a starfish on it. With seaweed.*
Caption: "I saw this on tV!"

THE END.

And she left it for me to find on my bookshelf. "Because you really like books!" she said.

This kid...you guys...

:heart:
  • Listening to: Crave You Adventure Club remix Flight Facilities
  • Reading: Tumblr fandrabbles and headcannons
  • Watching: SYTYCD, Teen Wolf
  • Playing: Crosswords, KH: BbS
  • Eating: Crackers, Tomatoe Sandwich
  • Drinking: Water, Grape Kool-Aid, shots of Coffee
I recently got internet back, after a month of not having it. I am now wading through 425 messages on dA, and am on the 261st page of my Tumblr updates. I think I might be getting close to the half-way point of the Tumblr mess. And I have the most annoyingly sharp caffeine headache~....I needed a break from Tumblr.

It's killing me that I've been without my favorite show for a MONTH. I fangirl so hard about it. I thought, when I got internet back, I'd be able to catch up on the past three episodes that I missed, but nooooo~ Not available again until August-something (2nd or 10th, I don't know, somwhere in the first week).

AND my other favorite show is going an a 2-week hiatus because of the Olympics. I WANNA WATCH PEOPLE DANCE!

Other than that, I've been babysitting, drawing, writing (hahahah! omg), and hanging out with friends once a week~ Last week we went to see the new Batman movie and I cried everywhere. While trying adamantly to NOT cry everywhere. I need to go watch that again.

I will be posting some new drawings sometime soooon! <3 I have my camera and new pens so they are INKED~ <3 I love inking. I stayed up all night, this past month, just going through old and unfinished drawings, inking the lines because I haven't had the right pens in FOREVER.

Fanart soon to come to your browser, I iz not dead.
  • Listening to: >,> plaaay liiiists
  • Reading: tumblr fic refs., Saucery on fanfiction.net
  • Watching: SYTYCD, Teen Wolf, USA network
  • Playing: crosswords on the computer with Mom
  • Eating: EV-ER-Y-THING
  • Drinking: Water, Mt. Dew, beer
So I'm spending the month of June (and the last week of the past MAY) in Oregon with Momma~ <3 YAY, yes, but I'm seriously missing my friends at this point. I've been awful and busy for the most part of two weeks and haven't called home AT ALL. (stabby guilt feelings, believe me, guys).

I think my mom is getting her 'Show Erin THIS to-do' list whittled down a bit. So far:

*we cook SO much yummy food
     not even kidding, the food is amazing, we've had, like, three dinner parties/company and the grill is getting USED. It's all super simple food, too, it's just GOOD. (so good, I might not even share if I *COULD*)

*the three dogs are awesome and love/lick me to pieces
    they do tricks, and SIT and WAIT while I fill their food bowls (< u < holy crackers, that's awesome!), one of them actually SNUGGLES with me and slept in my bed that one evening I was siiiiick. I told them about three other LOVELY puppies (that belong to not me) that I MISS. One's all motherly and sweet. There's a huge goofball. And a NINJA doggie! (she pops outta NOWHERE demanding attention, all pretty and cute, and then barks and growls at the other doggies for being rowdy. even though she's the youngest. she doesn't want to be in trouble.)

*golf-course driving (hah! she wh-wants me to plaaaaay..XD...no)
     Effing love driving that golf-cart. <3 the hills/fields/flowers/birds/clouds are nice to look at too, I even have my first "farmer's tan" from driving the lovelies around today. I think I wish cars were golf carts, it would make things SO much easier. (There are trains that go by every few minutes or so while they're playing and I'm zoning out. It makes me wonder if my friend could tell me all the different types from the view at the golf course.)

*beer
     I think she's hoping I'll get tired of it by the time I go back home, but I'm not even drinking much. (seriously serious, here)

*casino
    Mainly just because they like to go and I never have been. It was fun. My favorite game was RIGHT under the AIR CONDITIONER. Also, I think I'll stick to gambling in the video game casinos. I did not like losing real money. It sucked.

*LANDMARKS
   SO MUCH FUN taking pics of the few parks we've been to. There are more (landmarks) that are on the list, but they are more of 'Me and Momma' things. All of the pics are on not my camera so I'll have to get those uploaded/imported to my laptop before I leave.
         -I did not know what a butte was before Oregon, now I do.

*Goodwill
   I have stuffs from there now! And mom likes to go 'treasure-hunting/antiquing' there. Oh, I'm not knocking it, she bought a piece of china and/or a FORK for around twenty-fifty cents a piece....they sell for like, $10+ a piece. PROFIT. (I just blinked my eyes for this one cute skirt that I LOVE and will WEAR all the time back in Alabama because the weather will WARRANT skirt-wearing--it's beautiful!)
   Also, I bought a tiny little surprise from there that will be given away when I get back home.

*Driving
   Tried it, will continue to try it. THERE ARE WAY MORE CARS HERE! *panic* TT^TT

*Miscellaneous
    ((the following comment is kind of directed at Laura)) HOLY CRAP! I saw bison, and a pair of BLACK PUMPS that's brand name was "Mrs. Bison" (fangirl squees from Oregon)~ and alot of other stuff from here that I want to SHARE, gah. The hills and birds, I will miss the most. Quail, I saw one BRIEFLY, and it has this cute little ornament on it's forehead~ (yes, I've known OF the existence of all this crap, but now I'm SEEING it, let me spazz a little). The magpies here are so pretty! Their tails!! <3 It made me think that they are the guards/knights of for peacocks, or something--if the animal kingdom had civilizations like that, and all. Peacocks are just so .... DECORATED...and the magpies are all black and white and down-to-business looking. (does this make ANY sense?!) I will probably come home drawing quail and magpie peoples. *sigh* There are so many flowers here too, so different from home. I saw a baby praying mantis, and it's egg-sack (thing, wth do you call those?!) There are so many blues and greens and yellows and textures and crop patterns.

I. WANT. IT. TO. RAIN.
Mom woke me up in the car today and was all, "Hey, there's your rain you've been wanting~" (she tries to make all my dreams come true, she really does) ....it was five minutes later before the windshield-wipers had to be activated. I miss mountain rain. somuch.

I've only had one weird dream since I've been here, I'm off sleeping pills so far. And I'm kind of frustrated that I'm not finding time to reach back home to my friends. And that this journal is so oddly punctuated. I should probably say 'incorrectly' instead of 'oddly' but I don't want to.

Lastly, flying is AMAZING. I love it. Can't wait to come HOME. (How many times have I said 'home' in this journal....can you tell I miss it?)
  • Listening to: Meh &quot;Likes&quot;
  • Reading: Kaichou wa Maid, fanfics
  • Watching: Glee, New Girl, Cartoons with the kiddos~
  • Playing: noooothing TT^TT
  • Eating: Scrambled Eggs, Cheerios
  • Drinking: Coffee, Grape KoolAid, Tea
(Because I like to steal quizes and fill them out for fun.)

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

Why, yes, my youngest nephew most certainly did~

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

NO! *laughs* No.

3. When's the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Earlier this morning; Braiden was being super cute and wiggly and smart, but I was trying to fasten his diaper.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I do all the time.

5. Is there someone mad because you're dating/talking to the person you are?

Uhm...no? I highly doubt it.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Not yet.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

Pink long socks, undies, favorite worn-in jeans, undershirt, giant long-sleeved shirt of comfy goodness. Glasses.

8. How often do you listen to music?

Most definitely.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

Yep.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

...shy?

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter 'A'?

Egh. Yeah.

13. What about 'R'?

Nope.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Nope.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Kinda. I don't feel like I'd deserve it.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Yes! How'd you know~

17. When was the last time you cried?

*squints* I...don't...remember.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Mhmm.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Possibly. I've always wanted to try brown for a while.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Psh, yeah.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you're having.

It's chilly. :<

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

Sure, unless I asked for a real smooch.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

I'm not dating ANYONE. So, no.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

A love-seat.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Yep.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?

Uh-huh. Crushes are like that though.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My oldest niece.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

No way~

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

My mom.

30. Does anyone hate you?

Maybe?

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

*Laughs* No, I really don't.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

I...no. Just no.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Kinda.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Hmmm.....That (almost) year (10 months, really) that I was in Jacksonville during highschool.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

I slept for two hours....so no.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

About an hour ago.

37. Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?

Not really.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Not romantical feelings, no.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Nope. Well, if they're reading this, then...maybe.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Eh. 8\

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Not even a little bit. <3

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Yes. She's 5.

43. Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?

Pfffh. I mean.... >__>

44. What's the best part about school?

Friends. Artclass. Lunch. Reading/the library/English Lit. I actually kind of liked the long bus-ride, too.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I sure do.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

All the time.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

ALL the tim.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Yes.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Not really.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Being awesome.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

"Talked to" or "Had a CONVERSATION" with?

52. Are you nice to everyone?

No? (*I* don't think I am, others disagree.)

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

Yes, actually.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Ugh, gah. Yes. Yes, I think I can NOT CHEAT.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Hell no.

56. Do you think you like someone?

Not even a little bit.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a 'J'?

Nope, guess again.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Girls.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Bless their hearts, yes.

60. Do you hate anyone?

I *DO*.

61. How's your heart?

Fiiiine? <__<

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

.... T__T

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

Quite often.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Ugh...I can think of about five people? It's kinda all they know how to do...so....

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

No, they are nakie.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

Probably.

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

I wouldn't know.

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

Maybe when I was a teensy kid? Not since I can remember, let's go with that.

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My mother.

70. How do you look right now?

Frumpy? I guess.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

Hellz yeah!

72. Can you commit to one person?

I have.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Not anymore.

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

Yep.

75. Did you wake up cranky?

Not today.

76. Are you a jealous person?

Sometimes. Not often.

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

Yeah.

78. Anyone you're giving up on?

Absolutely.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

Kinda.

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Babysitting~

81. Last person you cried in front of?

My best friend.

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

Everyone has those.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

I don't, so they wouldn't be.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

>__> ....

85. Are you over your past?

Some days.

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

No. I LOVE THEM.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Yeah.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Fuckno. Oh..sorry...was that mean? >,>

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

No, we can sit on the porch.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Uhhh...I don't think so?

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

No, I will not.

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

Yes, he does awesome card tricks.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

*sigh* NO.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

I kinda want to write a "NO" song right about now.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

That was last month! Fine, all the eye-candy crushes are wonderful--I'm super delighted with them.

96. Don't tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

Yes.

97. Who do you have texts from?

Peeeeeople?

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

WHATHEFffff--I'm so tired of 'someone you liiiiiiike~' questions. (Why didn't I read through these before I copy/pasted.) T__T

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Most all of them were older.

100. Who's in your profile picture with you?

...my...glasses? (no one, I'm being a smart ass)

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

No, but I'm stealing that for my list.

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

Oh yeah. Most definitely.
  • Listening to: Human by Ellie Goulding
  • Reading: manga
  • Watching: Gurren Lagann, Sgt. Frog (kero, kero)
  • Playing: games
  • Eating: CHINESE FOOD *nom nom!*
  • Drinking: Mt. Dew, Water
I had an amazing blast of a day. I only slept two-and-a-half hours, so I'm pretty freakin' tired right now. I stayed up all night because a fic got me all revved up~ Oddly, I spent the rest of the night reading short, girly mangas online. *good times*

After grooming, I took the long nap of awesome and was awoken by the most marvelous invitation! <3 Lots of girl-day-fun later and I'm home and happy. With errands ran and small gifties bought. I feel so good and relaxed, I'm gonna go to bed early tonight~

(Sweet dreams to me)

That reminds me, after my normal bought of bad dreams, I had this really cool one. :] Well, nightmares are common for me, but it's usually a jumble of them--different. The other night I had the SAME ONE over and over and over, varying only in who was saved and which route I took. The next night (aka, the night of the good dream) I actually woke up (early and without an alarm beeping in my ear) smiling.

I really hope some of your days have been wonderful tooo~
  • Listening to: &quot;Likes&quot; playlist on Youtube
  • Reading: noooothing?
  • Watching: again, not much
  • Playing: newspaper crossword puzzle
  • Eating: Sloppy Joe
  • Drinking: Water, Orange Gatorade
(I never am, I just like stealing stuff. :D)

1. You must post the rules.
2. Answer the Questions the tagger set for you in their post and create ten new questions for the people you tag to answer.
3. You have to choose 10 to tag and post their icons on your journal.
4. Go to their webpage on D.A. and them know that He/she been tagged.
5. NO TAG BACKS!
6. No stupid stuff like"You're tagged if you read this."


Tagger's Questions:

1) fav color?

Green, Indigo


2) fav song?

Too many to choose from.


3) how old are you?

24 until October.


4) gay, bi, or straight?

Straight.


5) crush?

Eyecandy crushes, yeah.


6) GF/BF?

Nah.


7) fav anime character?

Oh crap....I love so many!! D':


8) fav movie?

I dunno, there are plenty that I like.


9) Freddy or Jason?

Freddy.
Jason is just gore.
Freddy is a twisted mofo that can get in your head and minipulate your every fear.

10) Horror or Romance or Both?

Romance.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I will not follow the rules and tag people noaw.
  • Listening to: Ellie Goulding &quot;Lights&quot; Bassnectar remix
  • Reading: Laura's snippets!! &lt;3
  • Watching: SARGEANT FROG! &lt;3 , &lt;3
  • Playing: I'm gunna start VIII again! 8/D
  • Eating: hardly anything
  • Drinking: Water.
Amazing right?!

Sorry for the horrible quality. I'm so spoiled from having a scanner that I get sad about taking pics to post drawings. I might/plan on fixing them up on Photoshop, maybe, and repost them.

Lots of picture uploads to come~
  • Listening to: Remixes on Youtube
  • Reading: *coughs* fanfics OuO
  • Watching: Hulu
  • Playing: hiatus
  • Eating: Popcorn
  • Drinking: Mixin' hotchocolate in meh coffee
*super dramatic happy spazz journal*

So...my mom is coming to visit in May. She'll be staying for about a month. AND THEN! I'll be going home with HER--to Oregon--for about a month. I'm excited about flying again! (Never thought I'd say THAT in my lifetime~)

I only found about this yesterday.

BUT WEWT! She has three dogs that I hope LURVE me because I've been wanting a big puppy hang out wiiiiiff for MOOOOONTHS.

I'm so happy, I think I'm gonna DRAW! <.< (omg, really?!) OYESREALLY, Self!

Hotchocolatecoffee time now. ~<3

~OHWAIT~

Valentine's Day! I actually had a good one! Well, *I* think it turned OUT good.

I babysat all day, last minute, and my youngest nephew was NOT happy spending the day with me. Lost of kicking and screaming and slaps in the face. (T.T)  And food being thrown. BUT, when I stood up for hours and distracted him with the washer and dryer and explained what everything in the house was, he calmed down. Even gave me a little kiss after his nap. (and I immediatly forgot all the tantrums~)

His sister, my oldest niece, gave me a valentine that she handmade at school. I'm overly in love with it because it's on creamish colored construction paper, so it looks kinda like an old-fashioned scroll. And she included hearts with lacey edges. (<3 [socute!] <3) AND she drew us holding hands on it. IN MARKER, NOT STICK FIGURES. She even got my glasses and jeans and new haircut in there! *superbraggingnow*

Had an super-epic nosebleed. That was a little scarey.

But I got a valentine and a kiss, so I'm a happy aunt. Oh, and chocolate flavored coffee. So...valentine, kiss, chocolate, yep, the essentials were covered.

Huzzah~

Drawing now, bai!
  • Listening to: &quot;Somebody That I Used to Know&quot; Goyte ft.
  • Reading: The Bracelet (fanfic by AkashaTheKitty)
  • Watching: Chopped
  • Playing: hiatus
  • Eating: Pizza
  • Drinking: Mt. Dew, Coffee
(*random thoughts today*)

My thoughts keep going back to breathing this past month or so. I think I liked cigarettes so much (during the very brief time that I 'smoked') because I could *inhale* something. Wisps it between my lips and drag it down my throat into my lungs to be absorbed on a cellular level. Even if it was poisonous smoke at the time.

Maybe because I'm usually pretty quiet and to myself, especially as a kid, I may over-dramatize things, but.....I've always felt so much from breath. Something would take mine away or speed it up or just make me wish my lungs and ribs could break and STRETCH so that I could take in more of a scent/feeling/moment (because every happens in breaths and blinks of the eyes and beats of the heart). I think everyone feels this way.

I remember feeling this way when I was *young*. Like, ....seven maybe, and a guy sang in a school talent show. It stole my breath. (I think I've shared this here before, though. A very vivid memory, really, considering I can't remember much from back then.)

I'd want to hold my breath until I saw spots just because it felt like time stood still then. I liked listening to my pulse while holding my breath and after I started to catch it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news. That scanner I mentioned is still in the works! I just have a family (emergency type of) deal that I'm needing to focus on for now.
  • Listening to: &quot;Somebody That I Used to Know&quot; Goyte ft.
  • Reading: Desert Bloom fanfic ~ lunaschild
  • Watching: Glee, romantic stuff
  • Playing: FF XII
  • Eating: Chicken and Veggies &lt;3
  • Drinking: Coffee+Hot Chocolate, H2O
I found a scaaaannnnerrrr~ :heart:

Just warning my watchers that I'll be uploading alot of crap soon. There are few good drawings I have that I will not be uploading. I kinda want to finish them, but my heart's not in them anymore. They're from a year or so ago.....I might upload them in my Scrapbook as a sketchdump. I still like the lines and all that. (I worked really hard on them at the time, damnit.)

But I have alot of new fanart stuffs~ :heart:

Uhm...yeah, I just thought a warning was appropriate. Have a lovely day~
  • Listening to: &quot;The Perfect Two&quot; by Auburn, thunderstor
  • Reading: Imperceptible fanfic by Forthright
  • Watching: Glee, romantic stuff
  • Playing: FF XII
  • Eating: NOM
  • Drinking: Coffee
I'mma drink some coffee and get hyped up on romantical stuffs and musicals. INSPIRATIOOOOOOON~ <3
  • Listening to: Party Like It's Not Your Birthday
  • Reading: HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE! (done, but still noteworthy)
  • Watching: The Waltons, Proj. Run. Allstars,
  • Playing: FF XII
  • Eating: Veggies and bread
  • Drinking: Water, Coffee
"Flippin' February 14th off from here" is not an option in the moods. It'll be my 9 month mark(I lol'ed when I realized that the other night). And that's a long time. I keep telling myself that I'm over it, but I'm not yet. Maybe a year will be long enough? I'm not mopey about it. I'm actually kinda pissed about it. And a little ashamed that I keep whining about it. Lots of shame going on over here. Shame and internal raging at stuff I can't change.

It's a weird feeling wanting to be around my friends, but not feeling like going anywhere at the same time. In such a funk, I wanna shy away from them so that I don't accidentally become contagious. Also, headaches (baaaad ones) and feeling queasy.

*happy gasp* Peppy songs!!! That's what I need! Huzzah~ (seriously, just put one on and I feel 33% better.) Yay Pop songs~

Oh, hey, there's my gumption!!!
  • Listening to: &quot;Cosmic Love&quot; Florence and the Machine
  • Reading: Fanfics, Say &quot;I Love You&quot;
  • Watching: Not Much
  • Playing: Birth by Sleep
  • Eating: Noms
  • Drinking: Water, Lady Grey Tea
"But I'll take my time if you want to
And I'll give you whatever you need
And I'll wait a lifetime to give into you"

("Center of Attention" ~ Jackson Waters) ...a twisted kind of love song.

I really love those little lines, because I relate with them so much. I feel like this is what troo ruve (Sorry, I swear I'm a romantic, my brain just can't say it with a straight face yet.) is supposed to be like.

In other news, I remembered some things I want on my To Do/Try list:

*5 minutes later = chickened out and decided not to share*

I'm usually really good at sharing...I don't know why I'm so hesitant now. I don't like not acting like myself.

Still fangirling hard over Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinatrals. I'm totally scared of playing the remake because the original is.....epic. *sigh* (I don't even OWN a DS, and I fear the day I play it and hate it.)

Things I learned about myself today:

1) I definitely hate shopping of just about any kind. I am not a shopper. It is rare that I enjoy it.

2) I don't like that I'm a messy person. I don't plan on changing, but it's one of those things I get judged for. That bugs the crap outta me. I do that mental splay all over the mess and maybe they won't notice you're completely out of your mind thing. Or I turn into this: No, DON'T touch my messy things, Person, it's messy just the way I want it and I KNOW what's in that stack of drawings and where my jacket is under that heap of unfolded clothes. DON'T TOUCH MAH STUFFS!

3) *chickens out again*

What's wrong with me? Geez.
  • Listening to: &quot;Holocene&quot; ~Bon Iver
  • Reading: Fanfics
  • Watching: TT^TT I missed TBBT today!
  • Playing: Birth by Sleep (Terra and Aqua down, Ventus to go)
  • Eating: Chicken Vegetable soup
  • Drinking: Coffee Water
"Love yourself, for if you don't, how can you expect anybody else to love you?" :iconlaurusrosamond:


"The love for yourself in infinite. Take it back. Revive it. And never let it go again." :iconwolfspiritzero:



These are the words that my friends give me. I believe in words. These words, they were put down and left for me. They were found and cherished.

I'm having a few days where I kinda feel like I need a few more. Words.

And coffee. I need that too.
  • Listening to: &quot;Video Games&quot; ~ Lana Del Rey
  • Reading: SessKag and Pucklberry fanfics
  • Watching: Hulu
  • Playing: Birth by Sleep
  • Eating: Chicken Vegetable soup
  • Drinking: Hot Chocolate Coffee, water
I don't get tagged for these things, so I like to steal them from other people and have some fun~

1) What's the furthest away you've travelled in the world?
Portland, Oregon. (From somewhere in Alabama.)

2) What's your favourite candy?
Hard fruit candies. (i.e. Livesavers, Jolly Rancers, Dum Dum suckers~)

3) Elephants or Dinosaurs?
DINOSOURS! No contest, I mean, c'mon. Land Before Time, who didn't want to adopt one of those dino-kids?~

4) Don't think about it - pretend I gave you 100 €/$/whatever money you have in your country - spend it on______!
Nerdy fandom stuff. OR boxsets for tv shows that I love but don't own yet.

5) Best thing about reading?
Watching the movie in your head that plays while you read. And getting to laugh out loud and getting those 'wtf?' glares from across the room. (By the way, people who glare at me for laughing, I think it's wierd that YOU think it's wierd of me to laugh at a book.)

6) What job would you wanna do if you could be anything?
Writer or cover/chapter/character artist?

7) Worst thing you did as a kid?
Uhh....lie? I don't know. I was a sweet kid, but lied my ass off when I wanted to stay out of touble.

8) Do you have a story that nobody would believe whenever you told it?
I have graphically violent fantasies in my head for people who irriate me.

9) What mobile do you have?
I dunno.

10) How much time are you slepping usually?
Either 5 hours at a time or 10 hour stretches.

11) What can you cook best?
Uhm....stir fry? I don't know.
  • Listening to: Innerpartysystem ~ &quot;Obsession&quot;
  • Reading: SessKag and Pucklberry fanfics
  • Watching: Hulu.
  • Playing: Birth by Sleep
  • Eating: Homemade soup and grilled cheese
  • Drinking: Hot Chocolate Coffee, water
So maybe it doesn't take six months to let go of the past. Maybe it takes six months and a week.

Until the next time, I'm not to down about being lonely. Sometimes I drive myself crazy because "I-did-it-wrong!" thoughts go through my head. That's normal though. I shrug them off and tell myself that 'I'll deal with that later', but really it's just not worth my time to worry about. Not so say that it never bothers me--it does--I...dunno. I tell myself to move past it, but don't always take that step forward, y'know?

I'll do better next time. I feel much more grown up about myself now, though. Less selfish and like I can see past myself more.

I dunno. Small little thought about how I've been feeling.
  • Listening to: *see title*
  • Reading: FAN. FICS. O^o
  • Watching: Glee and New Girl (last night)
  • Playing: Birth by Sleep
  • Eating: Bacon and Eggs
  • Drinking: Hot Chocolate Coffee, water
*cough* So, I just realized that I slept through the six-month mark. Not that it went unnoticed, now that I think about it.

I had another dream. Mostly it was about me trying to sneak out of a very high class hotel. But instead of being all plush and golden and warm, it was smooth and hard and SHINEY. But not harsh. It was all metallic sheens and glass doors.

I made it to the elevator (HUUUUGE elevator) safe, in my thin-ass pajamas, and who should JUST make it through the doors? (No, not so-and-so).......BOYS. A group of businessmen (at first, that's as far as my observation went). One of them laughed as he was rough-housing and barely missed knocking my nose sideways with his elbow.

Oh, lovely, I'm stuck in an elevator with a group of five or so of my elementary school classmates. They've all grown up together and graduated business college together. HOW did I not know this until now? (Good job dodging that nosebleed.) NOW they notice me though, all small and trying to blend into the corner. (HAHAHAH, Honey, your pj's are HOT PINK......yeah.) Sir-Laughs-Alot stepped out of the group first to make sure I was okay and then to realize, and then inform everyone else, that I am, in fact, (ahem) "that wierd shy girl from Highland". (Oh joy~)

Three or four of The Boys go back to talking about their days and afternoon plans. But The-Guy-That-Was-Always-Quiet-But-Not-In-A-Shy-Way-and-Looked-RIGHT-At-You....looks over, and just my body has that same effect of feeling pinned to the wall/seat/swing behind/under me. And I just want to get out of the damn BUILDING because, I don't know why, I do NOT need to be here. But Slim Dark and Quiet keeps staring right into my eyes like we are having an actual conversation. He grins, all slow and no teeth, and puts his hands in his pockets.

I don't remember the specifics, but the whole damn group talks me into going out to dinner with them to catch up. Which is really wierd, forgetting for a moment that I'm dressed for bed, because we haven't really spoken since eighth grade graduation. (Elementary and middle school at the same school). Instead of a restaurant, though, I am surrounded and herded to a local fair. A ridiculously large fair.

And I'm just starting to relax and almost have fun (one of the boys won me a faux queen's robe from a booth) when I realize that I'm dreaming. (Yes, it took me that long....sadly). And my first thought after the epiphany is "Oh~wow, I'm dreaming and 'you' haven't shown up ONCE!"

And then 'you' promptly round the corner with your friend that's dressed like Tony Stark. It's like you're eyes have Erin-sensors because they find me quick and I feel pinned in a completely unpleasant way.

And I wake up.

I just keep replaying the guy that grinned at me though. He did it a handful of times back in the day and it was pretty romantic-like. Not that I swooned back then. He didn't like me like that. He just has a really nice way about him. And probably no trouble with the ladies.

I think everyone has someone like that from their lives. Not really knowing them, but there was a mixed up 'moment' with that person that you don't forget. Atleast I hope we do.
  • Listening to: &quot;Video Games&quot; ~Lana Del Rey
  • Reading: Soooo many fanfics. (Becca still wins, tho.)
  • Watching: Storage Wars with Nana
  • Playing: (eff the stupid crossword) Legend of Legaia
  • Eating: Toasted sammiches
  • Drinking: Coffe with Milk and Honey
We are terribly scattered and in varioius states of love right now. There are ties and tangles and untruths and hard feelings and hating. It tears at me now and then. (More nows than thens). I can't make them love each other or forgive. I can't keep all my opinoins to myself when they seek an ear or a shoulder. I hardly help and try not to hinder.

My parents, I love them, but I ache more for my sisters and the little ones that call me "Aunt Nay-Nay" (a play on the sound of Renee).

I miss being an escaped animal from the zoo, an extendable arm because none of the four of them are taller than the kitchen counter yet. I miss eating all the childhood sandwhiches and discovering old favorite foods with them. I miss curious questions and being a pillow when they are refusing to go down for a nap. On my shoulder, the arm attached curled up to hold them and pet their hair until they slumber (sometimes humming a lullaby if they ask, bless their poor hearts and ears).

I miss inside jokes and the way each of our three voices laugh in an undertone that mimics the other. "Sisters" is ingrained in every action with us. There are touches, quietly reassuring and loving. The obvious but never overated hugs that MEAN something. Their smells, very different and always them, now woven through with hints of each of their kids. Brushing hair, fixing or just playing with it. Shoulders and back in support and comfort. I miss their familiar body language and how we can argue without being hostile. Reading each others minds.

They are my favorite Mommas in the world.

I hope they don't think I don't miss them just becuase I don't use the phone.
  • Listening to: Whatever tickles mah fancy.
  • Reading: Soooo many fanfics. (Becca still wins, tho.)
  • Watching: Glee, The New Girl
  • Playing: (eff the stupid crossword) Legend of Legaia
  • Eating: BREAKFAST
  • Drinking: Coffe with Milk
"Heavy in Your Arms" ~ Florence and the Machine

"Let Go" ~ SafetySuit

"All Time Low" ~ The Wanted

"Monster" ~ Paramore

"Surfacing" &"This is War" &"Weathered" ~ The Dangerous Summer

"I Ka Barra (Your Work)" & "Din Din Wo (Little Child)" ~ Habib Kote and Bamada

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I think I'm back to writing a little bit. :heart:

:icongwompplz: